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Reasie's Ritin'

Get me away from myself.

The Year in Review

Well that felt like getting twelve colonoscopies in a row while stuck in an underfunded public hospital with your most racist relative as a roommate.

But it's probably better to focus on the positive?

I had seven short stories come out in 2017, plus two short comics and two poems.  If this is what success feels like, success feels like mitigated failure.  It's hard to push back against every rejection letter by counting the acceptances, especially when the ratio highly favors rejection, but I know that the me of three years ago would have been eccstatic with these stats so maybe I should shush?

It is the universal human reaction to composing the year-in-review journal entry to feel one has done nothing, accomplished nothing, and is in general a terrible human being.

So let's take that as a given and move on.

One of my resolutions was to become more politically active.  I attended The Women's March in DC last January , the March for Science in Cleveland on Earth Day.  I joined facebook groups and email lists and went to postcard-sending parties and attended city council sessions.  I called my senators and emailed them and hassled Portman on twitter because that Republi-CAN'T never seems to answer his phone and his voicemail is always full and his email replies are condescending twaddle.

Not that I was in any danger of liking him.

I  could have done more, but I'm glad I didn't do less.

FYI: we extroverts do suffer social anxiety.  I worked a help desk for three years - phones make me break out in a cold sweat, even when I'm calling someone I know.

OKAY.  My other resolutions were to submit stories 100 times (a milestone I hit in October!) and to do 100 push-ups a day for 100 days. This I failed at utterly, early, and never quite got back to. Physically I am a blobby weak mess.

I did the IF Comp (Interactive Fiction) for the second time and rose from DEAD LAST on my first venture to a respectable top-third placement.  Got some positive reviews for the game, too!  It was fun and I played around a lot with adding javascript mini-games to a TWINE format.

OH and I was the top earner in the Clarion Write-a-Thon! I hope this isn't because of a lack of other earners? Anyway that was pretty awesome.

Why does this feel like a helpless grasp to find anything positive to say when it's also a pretty impressive list of accomplishments? I changed jobs - no increase in pay but a huge increase in respect and privacy.  Also the job came with my first smart phone! I've always been too cheap to buy one on my own. Now I'm enjoying reading library ebooks on it in my spare time and posting the occassional selfie to Instagram.

My first few weeks at the new job they didn't have a lot of work for me, and I was delighted with being in Kelvin Smith Library, accross the street from Wade Lagoon, so I took my lunches there almost every day. Looking back over my year's photos a lot of them are of the art museum gardens.

We finally took Jennifer to the Botanical Gardens! She loved it. yay. And I also finally got to see (with Jennifer and Brian) the Superior Road subway on its annual tour opening.  It was strange fun to cross the underside of the Detroit-Superior bridge and see so many other happy Clevelanders taking photos around the abandoned subway car or down the barracaded-off sections of tunnel.  We saw a water-filled stairway down to a lower level on the Detroit side, near a curve of track heading south.

If I had as much money as it took, I'd see Cleveland have a subway system again.  Did you know in the 50s the populace voted overwhelmingly on a bond to increase the subway? And the state blocked it and used the money in other ways because it was a threat to the auto industry!


We took Jennifer to Cedar Point and she rode her first roller coaster. :) She rode her first FIVE roller coasters. Such a brave girl!

Brian and I did a game jam, and for once I was lead programmer - he just did the art. That felt... neat.

I did my first cosplay - at a con where no one cosplays much. DOH. It was my second WisCon, and the year before there'd been a Rose Quartz cosplay.  I attended three science fiction conventions - which is the most I've done in one year - I went to WisCon, Cleveland ConCoction... at which I lost my most expensive gloves. alas! but also I got to do my first panel presentation.  My friend Steve Swinarski had ended up on a panel all by himself and reached out to the workshop to get volunteers.  AND I went to the Nebula Awards in Pittsburgh. That was kind of awesome.  I'm excited to go again next year.

I read 48 books. I saw probably too many movies, but that's not my fault, because there have been so many awesome science fiction nerd movies. 

I set up a twitter bot this year, @Optimist_SciFi tweets out an optimistic science fiction story idea once every four hours.

I took Jen to her first concert, Toderick Hall at the Agora.

I attended the 40th Anniversery Party for Azimov's Science Fiction and got to spend the weekend with my clarion buddy Angus.

I started a small ladies' writing club, The Gentlewomen's Adventure Society and Liquor-Adjacent Debate Club.  (GAS LAD). It's been fun, and helpful

Grace and I celebrated our birthday together at a B&B in Geneva on the Lake.  It was unreasonably warm for February.  Likewise the Brite Winter festival downtown was downright balmy.  Odd thinking about last winter - it was so unreasonably warm that it felt like we didn't have a winter. This week it has snowed every day.

Our year started sadly with the death of Brian's grandma, and he and John were in California for the new year. Feels good to have him back with me this year.

So there's the year, I guess?

Female Chauvinist Movie Review: The Last Jedi

I'm working on the more thoughtful critique and analysis this movie begs for, but the F.C. review was easier so I'm doing it first!

Spoilers below, OBV.  JEEZ click away already if you don't want to know who Rey's parents are!

Man-Candy: 2
Feminismishness: 5
Hurt-the-Pretty: 3

All scores out of five.

Man-Candy: Negative 3 points for having John Boyega nearly naked and making it miraculously unsexy.  I cannot EVEN comprehend the effort put into that.  WHY?  Just... no. We do not reduce pretty naked boy to a sight gag. BAD DIRECTOR.

4 points for Kylo Ren shirtless. I mean... that was... he was all glistening and all "dude could you call back another time I just showered?" and that was... thank you.  I never thought I would get my female gaze on that hard in a Star Wars flick.  Going right in my "years best" with Aquaman's wet T-shirt.

I'm equivocating on General Hux.  Minus a point for more comic relief sneering than cold eye-fucking with Kylo.  Plus a point for his "You're the Supreme Leader, Daddy." So it's a wash.  Also are his sideburns longer in this? Hmmm not a plus.

One point for Poe being so damned passionate the whole movie he's worth a point, even if he can't seem to lose that flight suit.  The camera was loving him, or at least his eyebrows.

Feminismishness: Full points.  We have strong leaders, older women. We have Rey just being a student, able to be shown to not quite know what she's doing.  Everyone who complained she was a Mary Sue because "everyone loves her instantly" got to see her being hated by the Fish Nuns.  That was adorable. THE FISH NUNS.  ROSE.  Heroic sacrificing heroes.  Ladies in all the roles.  More Phasma. (Not enough Phasma.)  MENTORING LEIA.

I've been waiting since the fucking 70s to have Leia use the force on screen so that was great. (Although the scene in question needed to be cut like 40% it was too long.)

Also she gets to shoot people again.  OH! I forgot. Best moment in the movie: Leia slaps Poe. That was both Feminismishness and...

I feel a huge Pretty-hurt opportunity was missed here, in that Finn's arc had nothing to do with his personal hurts. Instead it's almost a re-tread of his TFA arc of learning to be part of the team. Yadda yadda.  NO. I want angst. I want to know how being raised from birth to be a freakin' slave soldier hurt him.  And also I wanted more Finn, in general.  BUT he did have one dramatic moment of self-sacrifice so YAY that.

Poe carried the majority of the pretty hurting, and it was believable pretty hurt as he suffered for his passionate belief that only a rag-tag team of ill-informed individuals could save the day from carefully thought out strategists, and had to realize that actually he done messed it up big time.

Kylo does the whole kneel-before-master thing, which I always adore.  And he smacks Hux around which is of COURSE lovely.  Luke, however, takes the emotional hurt for the whole team, though he's not exactly pretty. (Full confession: I was never  Luke fangirl.)  THIS Luke, however, I totally adored.  The grizzled, troubled old master.  OH I HAVE THINGS TO SAY that are not about prettiness and man-candy so I better stop here before I muddy the purity of this review series.

I lied about revealing Rey's parents. PSYCH.  More on that in my serious review that will talk about plot, structure, and things like that.

Female Chauvinist Movie Review: Justice League

Man-Candy: 5
Feminismishness: 2
Hurt-the-Pretty: 1

(all scores out of five)

I had every expectation not to like this film. It had gotten lackluster reviews, and I am generally in the Marvel camp, both in comics and in movies.  However, Justice League pleased me greatly and I can give you three very good reasons why.

Jason Momoa, god of sexiness, would give any movie Man-Candy points on his own, but he goes the extra mile, with two lovely shirtless scenes and one scene where, while he is wearing a shirt, it is dripping wet and he is chugging a bottle of whiskey, walking slow-motion into the camera while the White Stripe's Icky Thump plays and I will watch that clip over and over and over again. It was perfect.

So Jason is three points of manliness for this review.

Ben Afleck is swole as heck, almost too swole for his age and bodyframe, and I did find myself wondering if his bat suit wasn't a bit... puffy. So No points, Ben. Besides, it'd be like oggling my brother. A hot half-brother, perhaps, but still.

Ezra Miller - EEEE EZRA MILLER OOOOOH DARLING! He was so... adorable!  I mean... every scene he was in, he just kept REACTING. Like an actor? Reacting? Acting? Yeah.  So fresh to see in a DC film!  I just couldn't get enough of every twitch and side-eye.  Oh Ezra.  Tell me you're old enough to drink? 

Ray Fischer - pretty face, but we never see anything BUT that thanks to his whole "I am a cyborg" shtick, and I was like... uuuuh couldn't his dad have saved a little more body than that?  Half a point because I pretend I like to look at men's "eyes".

Henry Cavill is a bit odd-looking (I'm probably the only one who thinks that. Something about his face bothers me.) BUT he is also swole as heck, and has the good grace to keep his shirt off nearly the entire time, treating us to a lovely naturally bushy super-chest.  So he fills out the extra half-point to take us to five.

Man-Candy: this movie had it.

Feminismishness:  Oy. Definite downturn here.  Gal Gadot of course shoulders most of this, but it's largely in the tired old "Gosh I kick butt even though I have boobs" way.  There's even a joke where she calls the other JL'ers "children" which is a negative for me because it reinforces the stereotype that women have to be the adults in the room and guys are allowed to have fun. BOO.
So half a point just for having Gal Gadot, and half a point for muscular amazons shoulder-pressing a mountain in one clip.
But the real feminismishness hero is Aquaman's unnamed, er, sister? Half-sister? Queen? Fuck I don't know who she is but she KICKED ASS.  For one scene. Hey, Justice League, why not have her??

(I am looking forward to the Aquaman movie SOOOO HARD.)

Hurt the Pretty:
Ugh.  None of the truly pretty boys seemed to take much wrenching emotional damage.  A tiny bit with Cyborg.  Lovely moments with Flash and his dad, but I don't know if they quite count... I'm giving them one point and advising they do better next time.

The movie did run long and could have benefited from cutting as much as possible from all the Batman and Superman bits, but I was surprised how much I enjoyed it.  It's negative reputation is not earned but probably more a reflection of how over-the-top madcap AWESOME Thor: Ragnarok was, and it opened first.  So... sorry, League.  Next time get a drunken Valkyrie on the team and we'll talk.

Female Chauvinist Movie Review: Thor Ragnarok

Forgive me, Female Chauvinist Fans! I have fallen a bit off the sweaty manmeat wagon but never fear, Thor: Ragnarok was just the thing I needed to get back to it.

As always, ratings out of five:

Man-Candy: 3.Hulk
Hurt-the-Pretty: 3.5
Feminismishness: 3.4

Man Candy:  Chris Hemsworth is the gourmet truffle of man-candy and thankfully seems to have a 'one shirtless scene per movie minimum' clause for which I thank his agent.  HOWEVER he seems to have limited it to just the one, and I think we can do better, Chris, don't you?  So I'm giving you a three.  Next time you do gladitorial battle, consider the ladies before choosing your costume, okay? It's not like that armor was helping you against the Hulk.

And speaking of HULK. Hot Tub Hulk Nude Scene is one of the most beautiful things I have ever beheld. That is a bonus of some sort but since it was CG I'm not sure how to number it.  Just know that Thor alone can answer the important philosophical question: just how "incredible" is he?

Loki as always is pretty and smirks nicely and Karl Urban is on my Top Most Bangable Men list, so it was wonderful to see him as Skurge, however neither of these fine men find the time to divest themselves of as much as a glove, so negative points there, but Loki takes back all the negative points by looking ungodly hot in his black suit.

On to the movie's real strength: Hurt-the-Pretty!
While I do always prefer to see my pretty boys in deep emotional angst, suffering for the sake of love or something, this movie made up for the lack of that with having dear Thor chained up at least three times! YAY! Also he had an Unwilling Makeover. I approve of those, even at the loss of his gorgeous hair.  Loki also obliged me by getting chained up at least once, and Skurge has his glorious final... SPOILERS. Oh, Mr. Urban, you do have such pretty, expressive eyes.

Bromance was definitely key and oh my stars the bromance was thick and delicious.  Thor has to bromance Bruce Banner and the Hulk separately, setting up a wonderful bromance triangle, and of course there is his love for his actual (adopted) brother Loki.  So good to see those two getting on again, eh?

Feminismishness: now there's a bit of a downer in this, as Hela is just... not Hela Awesome like I wanted her to be. She looks fab.u.lous and she takes down people left and right with her fashionable badness, but... I dunno. Kinda stock villain in many ways. I wanted her to have more interactions with other characters, I guess.  Still, I give the movie props for having an Evil Woman who doesn't Seduce anyone. I mean not in the sexy way. She does seduce Skurge, but that's in more of a job opportunity way.

No, all the feminismishness points for this movie come from Valkyrie.  OH VALKYRIE BE MY DRINKING BUDDY PLEASE.  I have never related to a female warrior in a movie as much as I related to her. I mean, like, FINALLY women can be badasses AND have fun. I mean, hey, Sif knew how to have fun, but Valkyrie man... she doesn't give a flip about anyone. She's a merc. She's damaged. She drinks like liquid itself is about to vanish from all planes of existence.  Yeah.  "Female hero who is a bit of a dick" is a niche that was so vacant I hadn't realized how desperately it was needed.

But speaking of SIF - where is my LADY SIF YOU ASSHOLES?  On the cutting room floor?  Well you sweep her back off it for the director's cut or me and Val are getting on our winged horses and coming straight for you - after a stop at the liquor store.

So, our neighbor and my sister both gifted us with cucumbers ON THE SAME DAY.  These were the really long kind, too.  We were drowning in cucumbers.

So I thought, well, why not make pickles? It was something I'd seen done, and youtube is a font of knowledge these days.

They came out GREAT.  But as I never follow directions I need to write down what I did so I can do it again.

First, I sliced up two enormous cucumbers into disks.

Then I mixed brine:

1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup white vinegar
3 cups water
one splorsh of soy sauce
4 tablespoons of salt

After it boiled, I tasted it, and it was a wee too vinegar so to cut that down I added;
1 tablespoon brown sugar
2 tablespoons old bay seasoning
A hefty dash of dill weed
two diced garlic cloves

I then let that simmer while I packed two soup tubs with cucumber slices, two sliced raw garlic cloves (per tub) and about 2 tablespoons of dill weed (per tub) and a dash of garlic-pepper.

Then I poured the hot brine over it all, filling the tubs to the brim. Sealing them caused spill-over, but that's what I wanted for an airtight seal.

Let them cool on the counter, pop 'em in the fridge, three days later: PICKLETOPIA.

Female Chauvinist Movie Review: Alien Covenant

Man-Candy: 1
Feminismishness: 1
Hurt the Pretty: 3


Man-Candy is mostly represented by Michael Fassbender, who has filled the man-candy role nicely for me in many films.  He hurts very prettily and in the opening scene, wherein he serves tea, I very much wanted to call up Whalen Industries and order myself a David.

Pretty boy and a perfect pour? Sounds like heaven.

However, the dear boy can't seem to divest himself of clothing.  He even wears hoods a lot, so yeah... while we get him in two roles we don't get nearly enough Fassbender ON CAMERA.

There are two alien-attacks-while-bathing scenes, because Ridley Scott has such a THING for water... and only one of three bathers is male.  Jussie Smollett is very pretty, but this naked woman gets in the way for most of the scene.

Feminismishness - for a movie with a Competent Female Lead, it sure felt patriarchal. She's the wife of the ship's captain. He dies. Second in command? Another white dude.  She's supposedly now third in command, but goes with new-captain and they leave Another White dude in charge on the ship, which made me wonder just how far down the ranks white dudes are in the chain of command?

It's a colony ship and the premise clearly is that all the crew are married couples so that baby-birthin' and lifelong lovin' can happen... so I guess yay that means more women? BUT there's no reason for that. The colony ship could be carrying 10,000 embryos or frozen sperm and a crew and payload of only women if birthin' babies were top priority. And even if it weren't, well, they could afford to have a couple gays on board, right?

There was like a four-second gay-baiting scene where I swore these two guys were going to kiss and I was super happy because DIVERSE LOVE... buuuut he might also have been giving him last rights? And he was dead? So... eeeyeaah

Pro tip, movie directors: You know what's better than two guys almost kissing? TWO GUYS KISSING.

There is a scene where Michael Fassbender kisses himself... I saw it coming and squeed because it was like fanfic came to life - but it's soooo flat and clean and Michael Fassbender #2 doesn't react at all which is weird but I mean... it could Go Places. There's a mutual flute-playing scene earlier that had heavier homoeroticism. Mmm homoeroticism... I digress.

Yes, there are ladies doing things and that is good, so they get one point for effort.

Hurt the Pretty: Michael Fassbender cries and laments and loves and beats himself and loses a hand... lots of suffering to eat up there. Though they could have had more. The aliens could have been slower in killing people. In this movie, it was like the aliens were all about quickly dispatching their victims, which loses a lot of the horror in favor of gore. So much more suffering we could have had!

The Year-End Post

Okay, so let's wrap this dumpster fire of a year up. First up: Last year's resolutions:

DO NOT go to the hospital
DO NOT lose any weight
DO get strong again

Those were rather optimistic, turns out. I did have one hospital stay and I did lose weight right before it, but as of October my health is A-ok!  I'm back up to my fighting weight, though I have studioiusly avoided any actual exercise and so I now have a quite marshmellow-like consistancy.

Now, my year as a fiction writer:
I made 80 fiction submissions this year - down from 88 last year and 90 the year before. I had four acceptances, also down from last year. I feel sad as a writer, but I look at my end-of-2015 LJ entry and see I had expected to do much worse this year, since I pretty much did not write in 2015 - all of 2015's sales and submissions were stories written in 2014 or earlier.

I'm tracking 42 pieces in The Grinder right now, btw. My trunk, it is full.

I finished my Nanowrimo novel and I love it, though I am of course certain no one else ever will. I gave it to Grace and Brian to read, and although they have both gushed to me about it, neither has finished reading and it can't be all that good, can it, if they could put it down??

Still, it feels good to have written a new novel. I haven't done that since 2014.

My year as a knitter:
I did not knit much this year. I made a pink cardigan for my niece, Jennifer, for Christmas. I made an Oak leaf patterned tea towel as a wedding gift for my friend Azimars. I made a lace shawl that was tricky but much fun to wear, and I made this simple mostly stockinnette sweater for myself that i love.

I also made, like, 8 pairs of baby booties, having learned a simple pattern for them. Baby Booties are quick and adorable and my friends obliged me by being very fecund this year.

My year in reading:
I barely read this year - a paltry 38 books, mostly tasty pulp. I did rate 6 five stars in Good Reads, though, which might be a high. Quite a few of these will stick in my brain meats. Karen Joy Fowler's "We are All Completely Beside Ourselves" and Charles Obendorf's "Foragers" in particular.

Spending time every day with Jennifer has obviously impacted how much time I spend on solitary pursuits like reading and knitting, so I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  Having a twelve-year-old living with me has taught me a lot about life and parenting and my own opinions on both. Also I've gotten her interested in my favorite TV shows as a way to have less exhausting bonding time.

The girl does love to tickle fight.

Ok okay - so now for the resolutions going forward. For 2017 I resolve:
1. To beat my 2014 high of 90 short fiction submissions.
2. Do 100 push-ups a day for 100 days. (Get my strength back! grar! This challenge worked for me in the past.)
3. Be more politically involved, especially locally, as a democrat and a liberal and NOT A NAZI. Be able to say I did my part to stop the fucking Nazis. Because seriously: FUCK.

Breasie: A Fanfiction by Nae Nae

This was a gift I got on Xmas from my niece! She likes to write fanfic and she said she "ships" me and my hubby Brian. She calls us "Breezy" for Brian / Reasie.
Breasie <3

A fanfiction by Nae Nae

Copyright - Story: I made the story. However, now Reasie owns it as a gift.
Copyright - Characters: Reasie owns Brian.

Marie tapped the keys of her gray Mac.  She was currently editing and revising her novel. She halted in typing, trying to figure out how to phrase the next sentence. She sighed and pushed her bangs back.
"I don't feel like writing today," she let out a whine.
Brian walked down teh stairs holding the laundry while humming. Apparently, Brian had heard her.
"You have to finish your word count today, Reasie," Brian said. Marie sighed. She suddenly got a thought.
"Brian! Let's go to the coffee shop.  You can work on your game and I'll write," Reasie suggested.  Brian nodded. "Okay."

*Time Skip*

Now at the coffee shop, Marie and Brian were both on their laptops working. Reasie sipped her hot chocolate and pressed on teh keys of her laptop. Brian, who was listening to Taylor Swift through headphones, was determined to get some work doe on the sound of his game.  As Brian hummed, Reasie was actually doing well on her writing. She had edited quite a lot since they got to the coffee shop.

*Another time skip because I am lazy*

Reasie was sitting on the cream colored couch. Sh ewas playing Slither.io on her laptop while the cat was on her lap purring. Marie was slightly annoyed at the little furball. "I just wanna play mindless games, you cat," Reasie grumbled.

"Brriiiiiaan," Reasie said.

"Yeah?" Brian responded from teh dining room.

"I'm bored," Reasie complained.

"Deep Space Nine!" Brian responded, quite quickly.

"Okay!" Reasie said.

Marie and Brian cuddled up on the cream colored couch together and put on the Star Trek spin off series, Deep Space Nine. Brian hugged Reasie and rubbed her belly.  Reasie, who was absorbed in the show, sipped her chai without looking away from the screen.

At the end of the episode, Reasie looked over at Brian.

"Brian?" Reasie said.
Brian looks at her.
"I love yoU!" Reasie got closer to Brian and devoured his entire neck. Brian let out a "meow".

Then, out of nowhere, a certain nosy 12 year old fabulous girl popped up next to them.

"Reasie hungry girl!"

The end

Female Chauvinist Movie Review: Rogue One

Man-Candy: 2
Feminismishness: 2
Hurt-the-Pretty: 4
K-2SO Bonus Points: 1000

Man Candy: Diego Luna and Donnie Yen are both extremely pretty, but damn if they can't seem to get their shirts off.

Director Krennic is NO General Hux, alas.  Oh, Hux. You are my One True Starwars Hatelove.

Feminismishness: MOAR MON MOTHMA.  She was barely in this thing.  I fear, once again, it's a case of "Heroic Female Leaders Cannot Have Any Flaws Because the Bar for Female Behavior Is So High You Have to be a SAINT Not to be a Bitch" which translates to "Heroic Female Leaders are Dull".

I had heard promising rumors of right-wing whinging about the diverse cast, but instead i found ONE female in the entire universe, practically, or at least the standard "Only one woman can be on screen at a time" surrounded by lots and lots and lots of white men. Like a squad of them for every token. I admit, they did a good job diversity-wise compared to other Star Wars, but Could Be Better.

SO HAPPY to see an older woman pilot in the big space battle, tho. And again, no big deal made of it. Think The Force Awakens did a better job of just peppering women into the background in near-representative quantities, tho.

Hurt the Pretty: Spoiler Free Review: BODIES HIT THE FLOOR.  Diego and Donnie both suffer very prettily. Though, sadly, very fully-clothed-ly.

Finally, K-2SO is currently my favorite character of any type, ever.  I love robots, you know, and he's just... yeah, he's like Marvin the Paranoid Android had a love-child with C-3PO who was scarred by such passive agressive parenting to the point where he was left politely psychotic.

Female Chauvinist Movie Review: Doctor Strange

Man-Candy: 2.5
Feminismishness: 2
Hurt-the-Pretty: 4

All scores out of 5

Man Candy: This movie showcased two of the most delicious pieces of male dessert on the silver screen: Benedict Cumberbatch and Chiwetel Ejiofor.  Men I love enough to learn the spellings of their complicated damn names.

Oh, Chiwetel.  Your pretty eyes are just doomed to always play The True Believer, aren't they?

The Man Candy score is lowered by the utter lack of shirtlessness. Oh sure, we get a few nice looks at Dr. Chesty's atributes, but Mordo never so much as loosens his collar. And let's face it, a female superhero would have been NAKED when doing the astral projection thing. amirite?

(No, the Ancient One doesn't get nudie. She's the Wise Teacher trope. This does not invalidate my point. Also she should be Asian. Well, but 'wise teacher asian' is also a stereotype. But female would be good.  Oo Ming-Na Wen. Down fangirl.  But Tilda. I digress.)

Feminismishness: Pretty sure there are never two women on screen and conscious at the same time, but the aforementioned Ancient One does kick serious booty in a non-booty-showing way and I liked that there were two bad guy girls.

Hurt the pretty: Here is where the movie shines.  Our hero gets his body battered and his mind blown every other scene! No spoilers, but it's pretty much a beat-down for the good doctor start to finish, and nothing makes a man hotter than getting beat down. In my opinion. Hush.

And we get bonus pretty men hurting in Mordo's angst and even Benjamin Bratt's perenial "that guy" is sweaty and grungy 100% of the time he is on screen which is pretty hot.

Bonus extra cool points: How about those bad guy eyeliners, eh?? I wanna wear that.
And the cape. The cape was dope.  Dopest cape ever in the history of super hero capes. Sorry, Spawn, your crown just got snatched by sarcastic velveteen.